Day 1 of 2011
I'm finding it draining and painful to write the whole story from the start, so I'm giving that bit a break for a while and skipping to the current day.
(click to view larger if you dare, haha) Stills captured from a video. Easter 2010.
ANZAZ day 2010
This was taken just before Christmas (about 25kgs less from memory)
I've been obsessing about weight again and I've been weighing every day. I'm forcing myself to wait another week now before I weigh again.
I've been trying to find "before" photos and there is a deliberate lack of them. If I had no evidence of being overweight and I didn't have to see it, then I could ignore it.
(click to view larger if you dare, haha) Stills captured from a video. Easter 2010.
ANZAZ day 2010
This was taken just before Christmas (about 25kgs less from memory)
I've been obsessing about weight again and I've been weighing every day. I'm forcing myself to wait another week now before I weigh again.
The scales fluctuate between gains of 700gms, to losses of 600gms, to gains of 200gms each day.
It's doing my head in and affects my day (gains = sad, losses = happy)
This is what happened when I lost weight last time and I promised myself not to go down this path again. Something to bring up with my Psychologist perhaps.
So, day 1 of 2011.
27 kgs lost. I was squeezing into size 26 and am now wearing size 18/20. It took me a while, but I can finally start to see the difference.
I have a warped view of my own body. At my heaviest, I didn't believe I looked too overweight. Stupid I know. I was even a little shocked when people referred to my weight....how can they tell how overweight I am? I sounds bizarre to even write it. I think I was a reverse anorexic :)
I never looked at myself in the mirror, I refused to have my photo taken, whenever I needed clothes I automatically looked straight for the absolute biggest size and prayed that it would cover me. Health-wise, I could feel it for sure. I was tired, tired, tired all of the time.
I can remember standing at the bottom of the stairs at Luna Park, Sydney (June 2010) and looking at them in dismay. I gave Mark my camera bag, told him to go ahead and I'd meet him at the top. I struggled up those stairs, my breathing was labouring heavily, my legs felt like jelly and I clutched the sides and pulled myself up. My chest actually ached when I reached the top and I wondered if I would have a heart attack. When we flew home the sides of the seat were literally digging in to me and I had to contort my body to do up the seatbelt and I spent the entire flight with it strangling me. What was I doing to myself :(
New me. I'm tempted to fly back to Sydney and run up those stairs just because I know I could now :)
6 Comments:
So proud of you sissy! And look how much your face has changed!
I can totally relate - I think of myself as a 'skinny girl in a fat suit'. I'm surprised when I see myself in photos - probably why I never keep a full length mirror in the house!
Do you need to be weighing in EVERY day? That would do my head in...
Don't think I could ever put into words just how proud I am of you and all that you have achieved in the last 6 months. It is also lovely to see how the boys(especially Blake) are thinking about what they are eating & are more aware of healthy choices.
you look so much younger Rach!! and yes i agree about the perceptions of ourselves... i see photos and i want to destroy them. you're doing so well!!
My heart is feeling what you are saying...i have seen a photo of myself recently and was gobsmacked is that really how I look, this is not who I want to be anymore and this is why i joined boot camp i can't do this on my own i need someone to push me and do this hard...You have inspired me Rachel when you said you had lost 25kgs i thought wow what an achievement...
rach, amazing. i remember you posting about how much weight you had lost a little while ago, and I asked you HOW and you said healthy eating, no more junk etc. I spoke to pete shortly afterwards and she said that you were really looking after yourself.
well, i was totally inspired. i went and joined weight watchers two days later, im down 2kgs (which isnt much I know but i managed to not put on weight over the christmas break for the first time in eight years) so thank you! and thanks for sharing your story.
nadine
You look fantastic!
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