bedroom overhall
It took me a while to sleep in my bedroom again once I came home from the hospital.
Mainly it was bad-associations with the Ambulance coming.
My whole family there - Mark, Mum, Dad, Trina...all the kids.
I have never felt so.sick.in.my.life.
I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't move.
Just horrible.
Once I was home, I tried sleeping in the bed a few times, but I lay there all night long, unable to get to sleep.
The anxiety and panic attacks had taken over my life.
I feared that if I went to sleep, I would never wake up again. If I was going to have a Stroke, I wanted to be awake for it.
(Why I don't know?)
When I would finally drift off from pure exhaustion I would wake gasping for breath. (like a type of sleep apnea)
I can remember speaking to Trina on the phone in tears, telling her that the thought of going IN to my room filled me with dread.
I would lie on the couch and be thankful if I fell asleep in front of the television for a few hours.
We thought of re-doing my bedroom at the time - new Doona, new curtains, new pillows etc. I couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I knew I had to refund a LOT of deposits and at that stage, I fully believed that I would never work again.
With medication and time, I was able to sleep in my own bed again and now I feel like it's time to make some changes.
I've been compiling some ideas in my head and I'm finally ready to put them into action.
We're going to paint the walls (well Craig will when I beg him :P) the floor boards and the bed. I'm going to get new bed covers etc and I can't wait to get started!
Mainly it was bad-associations with the Ambulance coming.
My whole family there - Mark, Mum, Dad, Trina...all the kids.
I have never felt so.sick.in.my.life.
I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't move.
Just horrible.
Once I was home, I tried sleeping in the bed a few times, but I lay there all night long, unable to get to sleep.
The anxiety and panic attacks had taken over my life.
I feared that if I went to sleep, I would never wake up again. If I was going to have a Stroke, I wanted to be awake for it.
(Why I don't know?)
When I would finally drift off from pure exhaustion I would wake gasping for breath. (like a type of sleep apnea)
I can remember speaking to Trina on the phone in tears, telling her that the thought of going IN to my room filled me with dread.
I would lie on the couch and be thankful if I fell asleep in front of the television for a few hours.
We thought of re-doing my bedroom at the time - new Doona, new curtains, new pillows etc. I couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I knew I had to refund a LOT of deposits and at that stage, I fully believed that I would never work again.
With medication and time, I was able to sleep in my own bed again and now I feel like it's time to make some changes.
I've been compiling some ideas in my head and I'm finally ready to put them into action.
We're going to paint the walls (well Craig will when I beg him :P) the floor boards and the bed. I'm going to get new bed covers etc and I can't wait to get started!
2 Comments:
Rach I can totally understand this post. I often associate bad things that have happend with material items, like the clothes I wore that day, or the date if happend or where I was at the time. I get it, totally!!!!!! I cannot wait to see what you have come up with for your room. You may have just inspired me to finally do the rooms in my house. Cassie xx
SO glad that you're treating yourself to a new room! I wouldn't even call it a 'treat' but something you need and deserve - good for you! xo
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