looking back
Found another old photo of myself.....hard to look at.
October 2009. Blissfully unaware (naively unaware) of how different my life would be 12 months later.
It's such a conflict to look at photos like that. I don't like them. I don't like how I look. I look sad.
BUT I still mourn for how things used to be.
I LOVE that I'm 35.3 kgs lighter than that photo, but I hate that something as "simple" as a headache or a pain in my neck can now trigger a panic attack.
I'm "hyper-aware" of any changes to my neck, head, ears and eyes. Maybe that will decrease as time goes on *shrugs*
In the meantime, I've been taught lots of coping exercises to calm myself down. (and I have medication if I need it - I haven't for a while, which is good)
____________________________________
When I'm feeling down/low I've realized that I don't feel like exercising. If I manage to push through and force myself to exercise I actually feel better afterwards. Something to make note of and keep in mind on the days when I feel like I couldn't be bothered. (yesterday was one of those days :/)
October 2009. Blissfully unaware (naively unaware) of how different my life would be 12 months later.
It's such a conflict to look at photos like that. I don't like them. I don't like how I look. I look sad.
BUT I still mourn for how things used to be.
I LOVE that I'm 35.3 kgs lighter than that photo, but I hate that something as "simple" as a headache or a pain in my neck can now trigger a panic attack.
I'm "hyper-aware" of any changes to my neck, head, ears and eyes. Maybe that will decrease as time goes on *shrugs*
In the meantime, I've been taught lots of coping exercises to calm myself down. (and I have medication if I need it - I haven't for a while, which is good)
____________________________________
When I'm feeling down/low I've realized that I don't feel like exercising. If I manage to push through and force myself to exercise I actually feel better afterwards. Something to make note of and keep in mind on the days when I feel like I couldn't be bothered. (yesterday was one of those days :/)
3 Comments:
Oh Rach,,, I am hoping those feelings of anxiety decrease with time... And re the exercise - Often I enjoy the exercise but can't be bothered getting there... so just make the effort to get changed into your exercise clothes etc because once you start you will feel better and remember why you do it. Maybe just say to yourself do 5 minutes and maybe once you get started motivation will kick in. You are doing an amazing job and you should be so proud xxx Philippa x
Although looking at the photos would be hard, it's good to have some to look back on to see just how hard you've worked and how fantastic you are looking now. You should be super proud of yourself!!
Steph :)
great that you can push through those feelings. http://www.naturaltherapypages.com.au/article/Exercise_Endorphins
I hope the panic attacks relating to changes lessen for you over time. My stress levels have risen dramatically with T in the last year, questioning every little change in her face, the slightest mark, when she coughs, changes in her voice etc. I even find myself sitting down in front of the tv some nights when A isn't here filled with worry about her. I get more urges to go and check on her than ever before and if I try to tell myself to stop being silly I then keep thinking 'what if'. I think maybe I need to join ana aust and get in touchwith some support groups or similar.
Don't forget, whenever you are feeling down, just think of all the supportive messages on your blog and how proud everyone is of you and think of how wonderful the future will be with a happier and healthier you oxo
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