It's been so long since I've visited this blog, that I was actually shocked when I saw the photo of myself in the header.
I found this photo today. It was the day before the dissection occurred.
(my pupils are they same size in this photo)
When I was lying in my hospital bed, I made a lot of deals with myself. With God. I had nothing but time to think.
One of the things I regretted was have SO LITTLE photos of myself with my kids.
I promised myself that I would be in more photos with them. There would be more photos of ME.
These were taken in the weeks after I left hospital. (click on the photo below to view)
I can't even put into words what I was going through here.
My head was a MESS. (tears just thinking about it) I felt horrible, I looked horrible.....but these are happy
memories of times with my children. All I can see is how little they look and how fast time goes.
And I'm so completely grateful that I'm here to see them grow. I urge you to BE in photos no matter how
you feel about yourself xx
(I've also included the most recent photo of Aria and myself.....hopefully you can tell which one it is, haha :)
I've always been completely honest and open about this journey and what I've gone through. Struggled with.
But it got to the point where I couldn't write anything without compromising the privacy of others in my life. (namely my husband)
Fair enough too - he didn't sign up for this.
I finally feel ready to share a little bit about what's been going on. (with Mark's okay)
Quite some time ago, I read an article that listed the statistics of failed marriages when one of the partners had experienced a significant weight loss. (I wish I could remember where I read it now)
I do remember that the information stuck with me.....and really annoyed me (lol) and
I swore it wouldn't affect my marriage.
In my naivety, I was thinking about it from the perspective of "the person who has lost weight".
I knew my feelings wouldn't change towards my husband just because I now look different.
What I didn't realize, is how difficult it would be for HIM to see me change. To become more confident and outgoing.
My marriage fell apart in front of my eyes. It was neither his fault, nor mine. It was both of our fault.
We've been through too much crap with my health, his health, kid dramas.
Add insecurity, depression and anxiety - we were doomed.
The last months have been HARD :( The last 17 MONTHS have been hard.
I will be okay. I'm excited about what the future holds for me and I feel stronger and healthier than ever before.
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