I'm here......

Weighed myself this morning (it's been a long time - probably since the last time I posted here)

Weight is exactly the same. Good news. I'm maintaining.

I've been struggling. My anxiety was creeping back until BAM - suddenly I wasn't sleeping
(or when I was, I was having horrid nightmares) I was BONE tired all day long
(falling asleep at my desk at 10.00am) I had a constant headache/jaw ache
(which we now think was me clenching my teeth) BP was climbing and I withdrew into myself,
shut down and didn't feel like doing anything.

The trigger - increasing my BIH medication and doubling another BP medication
(to make up for one that I stopped)
I see it as a failure or as going backwards. Or realizing that losing weight isn't the answer to all of my problems.

Anyway, I've increased my anxiety medication and yesterday (day 5) I finally didn't feel tired during the day.
(the night before I had dreamt of food instead of losing my children LOL)

Hoping to see an increase of my energy levels now that I'm getting some sleep again.

Headache free - yay!

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Have to add a photo here that amused me :)

My sister bought me a face mask while I was in hospital and put it on for me.
I was imagining all sorts of things written on it as I lay there with it on my face :)
(for the record - it was something tame, like "sleepy time")

the balance

This morning it had been 9 days since I weighed myself. My weight was the exact same.

Im happy with that!

I'm learning to juggle food intake and exercise and I think I'm getting it!

This is huge progress for someone who was weighing herself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY
up until a few weeks ago.

I didn't feel stressed or nervous when I jumped on the scales this morning.
Whatever it was going to be, I was ready to deal with it.

Huge progress.

I'm getting ready to start things moving again, so I'm ready to take my exercise up a notch.
I think I'll buy something to inspire myself.
A little Summer dress maybe :)

I want to lose another 17.6kgs. Sounds a lot when I type it LOL

I don't know how I lost 43kgs. Boggles my mind.

I've never admitted here what my starting weight was.....but you could probably do the math
and roughly guess :/
(Mark knows. My Doctors know.)

holidays

Things are going good. I'm maintaining at the moment I think.
I had visions of all this exercise that I was going to do on the school holidays with the kids.

Ahem. My warm, comfy bed won out 9 times out of 10 LOL

I have LOVED sleeping in these holidays. The kids are that little bit older and don't seem to get up at
5.00am when it's cold LOL

I don't find the food part of my new lifestyle difficult at all.
It's the exercise.

My dietician told me to give myself a break. Most people GAIN weight over Winter, so if
I can maintain and have little losses, then that's awesome.

As long as I can kick-start things again when it starts to warm up and the days get longer.

ONE YEAR.

12 months today. It's the Anniversary.
One year since my life changed forever.

I'm feeling sad, so indulge me while I wallow ;/

Logically, I KNOW that I'm better off now. I know all of the facts and all of the figures.
I can still mourn ignorance, can't I?

Things happen that you never imagine happening to you in a million years.
You don't want to have something rare, something unexplained. You don't like to think about "what ifs?"
or what could have happened. You don't want to be fascinating for all the wrong reasons.

God. That day. Those two weeks in the hospital that followed.
The weeks that followed. The weakness. The hopelessness. The terror. The months that followed.

I didn't think I could cry actual tears anymore.
(I seriously didn't.....I thought my happy pills were stopping it somehow LOL)
Today I'm letting myself cry.
Tomorrow I'll be strong again.

breakfast......

"Thanks for the insight into your "diet", Rach :o) Something I really struggle with is breakfasts. I'm not really keen on breakfast... unless it would be bacon, egg, sausages, toast, mushrooms, etc... but that's not exactly "healthy"!

What do you have for breakfast that you find tasty, filling and healthy?"

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I still have bacon and eggs!!


Some breakfast ideas that I enjoy -

3/4 cup of "good" cereal. (ie, not coco pops ;)
trim milk

Sometimes I'll top with a diced apple or a chopped banana, some tinned peaches.
Strawberries, Kiwi fruit...whatever is in the house really.

Sometimes I skip the milk and dollop on a good sized spoon of low fat yoghurt.

If I need something a bit more substantial or I just feel like a change,
I'll make something with two eggs.

Fried eggs in a skillet (spray oil only)
Two rashes of middle cut (no fat) bacon.
Fried tomato wedges, sprinkled with herbs.
Mushrooms
Spinach leaves

Or I'm make an omelette, with grated carrot, onion, avocado, tomato, spinach leaves etc.

Or scrambled with similar ingredients and then rolled in a wrap.

what I'm eating....

I've caused a little confusion with my "no diet" claim, so I just wanted to clarify.

I'm not following a structured diet or meal plan. I'm not following any menus, I'm not weighing food,
counting calories etc.

I'm being SENSIBLE.

I think if you're honest with yourself, you KNOW what's healthy and what's not.

I no longer eat fatty takeaway like burgers, fries, chicken rolls, fried chicken, pizza.
(11 months on and I can't believe I used to eat like that)

I have takeway or eat out quite often - but I make a better choice.

A Subway roll loaded with salad.
Sushi rolls are something that I've discovered in the last year and are a favourite.
(I usually just get the vegetarian.)
The extended family celebrated a birthday with Chinese takeaway recently. I skipped the fried rice
and I skipped the spring rolls. I ate lots of stir fry and vegetables. Choose the meat that hasn't been
deep fried.

Last night we went out to dinner. I chose a grilled Barramundi with vegetables.
Lots of lemon and parsley seasoning - it was yum!
In the past I probably would have chosen the gourmet burger (meat, cheese, bacon, sourdough bun) with chips and aioli?
I know I would have had dessert too.

I've cut white bread completely (bread, rolls etc) and I only ever eat bread products at lunch time.
(A wrap would be my first choice)
I rarely have rice, potatoes, pasta etc, but eats lots of salad and vegetables.

I had a CHEESE addiction LOL (and I think I've spoken about this before)
I've cut waaay back on my cheese intake. (maybe once a week if that)

Another tip my dietician gave me -
When I was making a salad, I'd add chicken, cashews, avocado and cheese (for example)
She got me to choose just ONE, so that's how I make a salad.

One more thing I've thought of -
I don't eat past dinner time. I had a really bad habit of snacking before bed. (SWEET TOOTH)
Chocolate, biscuits, ice cream. Whatever was handy really.
We have a shop straight across the road and I have a husband who would do anything I asked (bad combination)
I have a cup of tea (trim milk, no sugar) with my medication and that's it. (don't miss it anymore)

thought for the day....

Not mine....I heard it and liked it.

“Imagine life as a game in which you’re juggling 5 balls: Work, Family, Health, Friends, Spirit,
and trying to keep all of these in the air at the same time.
You’ll soon understand that Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls – Family, Health, Friends, Spirit - are made of glass.
If you drop one of these they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered.
They will never be the same again. You must understand that and strive for it."